I don't know what to say.
Even though I knew this was coming... it's still kind of a shock.

My father, Donavin, committed suicide at 8:47 PM, tonight. It was quick and painless. Merv gave him the option a couple of days ago... but I had my hopes that he wouldn't take it. He seemed in a good mood when I visited him last. But now he's dead. I was told less than a half hour ago.

I feel strange. I don't feel like describing it though. All I'll say is that it burns, hot and cold. And when it doesn't burn, I'm numb.

I don't think I want to spend tonight here. I'm going to go spend the night at Maze and Hale's in Vin's old bedroom. I guess that seems kind of strange... but... being in a house full of people who don't even know what his death means... it's suffocating me. I want a piece of my old life back. I don't want to just slip back into life as usual before midnight has even passed. I couldn't even if I wanted to. Physically, yes. Mentally and emotionally, no.

Merv's going to have him buried on earth. She wants to let Julie have some say in how it all goes. I think that's very decent of her. I just hope this doesn't hurt Julia too badly. Part of me wonders if we should even tell her at all, but it would be wrong not to let her see him before he's buried. Vin has let her down so badly. She still had hope for him, but he blew that too. And now I'm starting to cry... *sigh*

I feel let down, too. But somehow I knew it would end up this way. I knew he'd choose this. He'd already given up and I could tell.

I don't have much else to say. I guess I'm still in slight shock. Why should I be shocked if it's not that much of a surprise? I guess just the thought of him really... really being dead... ... ... it's shocking no matter how much I tried to fathom it before.

I can't get enough breath in my lungs. I hope Talmon doesn't mind sleeping alone too much... he can crawl in with Adriel if he gets too anxious.. I just have got to get out of this house.